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Sunday, January 30, 2011

A break from the snow.....




I took a break from the snow to test out my walking shoes outside for the first time. It has been too cold outside since I learned to walk in December, so it was nice to have a warm day.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Little Red Car....

I spent this beautiful Saturday in the Beaman dealership parking lot cleaning out my car. I am planning to sale it on Monday and have been avoiding the task. Today, however, seemed like a great day to be out so I finally picked up some boxes and headed over to start sorting.

(Andy and I purchased a new Hyundai Santa Fe two weeks ago and we are both so delighted to finally have a nice vehicle. Andy is driving it and I am still in the huge F150 work truck....but I can handle it just as well as the good ol' boys in town....but still hoping to get something better on the gas budget at the end of the year. )

While sorting and cleaning I found myself getting very emotional. I even had tears in my eyes and I was very surprised by this. For weeks, my little red 2002 Ford Focus has been nothing but trouble and a big unreliable mess. So how could something I thought I hated bring so much emotion?

I felt like I was losing a member of my family or a great friend was moving away. I felt a huge sense of loss. All these little memories kept coming to me. This was my first car. I remember the very rainy Saturday in May when my Dad and I purchased it. We had been several places and I was very discouraged because of the rain and our price range. My only criteria was not white and four door. I joked that I wanted something four door because I planned on keeping it until the wheels fell off and that it would someday need to hold a car seat (and it actually did!). I remember looking at this red Focus in Nashville with a sticker price of $11,000 but the savvy and ballsy shopper that I am had proof of an ad that had it listed for $8,400. So the little red focus that I was not overly impressed with came home with us.

She carried me back and forth to college countless times. She was there during one of the most spectacular and divinely mysterious moments on the way to my grandfather's funeral (*see next post for details and chill bumps). She was with me during my first tee tiny fender-bender. She carried me to my college graduation. She was with me during wedding planning and carting wedding supplies. She took us to our honeymoon. She was there for an all girls weekend in Savannah. She reliably got us to our first real grown-up jobs. She was packed to the brim when we moved into our first home. And she carried our beautiful baby boy home from the hospital.

I never named her as some people do with their cars. It took me a while in the beginning to warm up to her, but through the years she definitely proved to be worthy. She was just a plain Jane,no frills or shine, but she was tough. No marks from the fender-bender and only a small dent from a huge tree falling on her. I have felt such stress and anger towards this little red car lately but in reality she lived a good life and completed her job accurately. She just got worn out. Her motor mounts broke, her axle sagged, her battery died, her alternator stopped, her motorized back windows stopped performing long ago, and she had a huge wrinkle in her windshield. Her time had come. She can finally rest.

I know that I am going to miss her dearly. I feel a great amount of gratitude for the trips and memories in my life that she carried me to. I know that she was only an object and that it is the people that I love and the memories that I made with them that I cherish but in some small way that little red car played a part in making them happen.

Mysterious Ways...

*Explanation to note in "Little Red Car" post

My wonderfully kind grandfather (Pa) passed away in July 2004. His death was not unexpected. He had had a long battle with dementia and other health problems resulting from the loss of memory. I chose not to see him much in the last few years of his life because the disease had somewhat changed his personality and I truly wanted to preserve my memories of him when I was a child. I have always struggled with this choice but all of my memories are good ones so I believe it was the right thing for me.

Though his death was somewhat expected, it was still very difficult because it was the first death of someone close to me that I had experienced. If you know me, you know I don't cry easily. Upon the news of Pa's death I was deeply saddened and cried a little...mostly for the pain I felt for my Mom and some for my personal loss.

As with all funerals and family deaths things get stressful and planning and schedules take over. On the evening of visitation, Andy and I were to pick Kyle up from daycare and bring him with us to McEwen. At this point, I still had not really stopped to grieve or reflect, but was just trying to do what I could to help and stay out of the way. While traveling to the visitation on a very nice summer evening, Andy and I were silent and Kyle was asleep. I was, at that moment, remembering the many wonderful summer evenings at my Grandparents. And while looking out the window I saw a man, stopped on the side of the rode looking directly at me and sitting on a tractor, and as we got closer I saw that it was Pa. We drove right past and I did not say a word but huge tears started streaming down my face. Andy within seconds asked, "Did you see that?" He then looked at my face and without another word we both knew that we had just witnessed one of God's most mysterious blessings.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Family Photos....





















These are pictures that we took during the fall to use as Christmas gifts so they were never posted, but now we are sharing them. We are still trying to perfect our camera timer and tripod skills but were pretty happy with some of these.

Another Snow Day....

Trying to be optimistic. Although I am getting pretty tired of the snow, I tried to enjoy the day and embrace the winter. Today, for the first time in almost a year Andy and I took a nap. It was glorious. We were snuggled under a warm blanket and then woke up to eat a nice southern comfort meal....baked pork tenderloin with mashed potatoes and gravy, mac and cheese, green peas, fried apples, and yeast rolls. Our little monster took a long nap so we were able to spend some much needed time together.

The little guy is really wearing us out lately. He is pretty much a full time walker and with that has come the confidence to try to explore every nook and cranny of the house. It is a never ending chasing, watching, and picking up game in our house. We are trying to start some small measures of discipline, but it is not easy when met with a high pitched squeal or even worse....a precious innocent smile (like please Mom just let me).

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A little late, but hello 2011....

I have a secret. I get severe depression directly following Christmas. Not really severe. I mean I don't need medication or therapy or anything, but I 'm just not really happy. The last four months of the year are jammed packed with football suspense, birthday celebrations, and wonderful holidays and then...nothing. I have a hard time recovering from such a fall into a cold and dreary month (sorry January but it is true). So the depression and huge lack of motivation is responsible for the neglect of blog post. However, the hope of Spring and some new ever-changing decorating in the house are slowly getting me out of my slump.

I am looking forward to trying some new and healthier recipes, to getting myself and my husband in better shape and on a better schedule, and to starting a garden and working in the yard. It will be such an expereince to have Hatcher out there with us this year digging away in the dirt (hopefully he will loose interest in putting things in his mouth by the Spring). I also hope to tackle the huge job of installing a brick patio. I keep going back and forth....Do I want someone else to do the install? I know that I am capable. But do I have the time? Where will Hatcher go? Think of the money we could save doing it ourselves...Am I patient enough for the task?

I never really set resolutions. I am already too demanding on myself, my husband, and my home. I have high standards and tend to be a perfectionist so the thought of putting something else on my to-do list it just too overwhelming. But I do like to set goals. I am very diligent about getting things I really want done completed. So I know that if something is important enough or if I want it bad enough, I will do it. I do hope that in this year, however, that I can learn to let some things go...to try not to strive for perfection. Because I am learning that it is just not worth it. I want to enjoy my home not be a prisoner to it. I want more time to spend with my family and more time for the other little hobbies that I enjoy.

So I hope that in 2011 I will be a little more relaxed, a little bit of a better wife, and an always improving mom. I hope to be more spontaneous and live on a less rigid schedule. I hope to be a better sister and a better friend by making more time for all the lovely ladies in my life, and I hope to take a real vacation with my hubby.

Looking forward to whatever the year has in store and praying for happiness and goodness for all.